respect

 

hello? i've been feeling craAAazzzyYYy i have so much to tell you. i've been sick all year and my favorite part: no one cares. that's one of my biggest life lessons. i am NOT a "no one is coming to save you" kind of person. it isn't true. people will save you, ask for HELP! BUT no one cares when you're sick for months and months and months.

1. they think you're lying to get outta stuff

2. they don't care

3. they think you're lying for attention

i get attention by WORKING and i don't like being sick because i can't work so i haven't been able to but i just got VERY WELL just now. wait i just remembered i have to post a sponsored post holdd on. never mind, waiting for approval. it's "day 1 of fashion week" events, i want to go to events i have but i neeeeeeeeed a new camera battery, forgot to order it :(

i have balenciaga event tonight, almost missed the email. i just wanna go to take photos of people. mind you, i have like 3 shows and events and tarayn's party where i get to see my friends. 

have i told you this: i intentionally go to fashion week events by myself and i never bring a +1 from my real life because i think fashion people can be really worthy of separating your personal life from because of their behavior. yes, reflect on that. i genuinely have never minded looking like a wallflower in public (ask anyone). people always try to save me because they feel bad, it's a kind gesture, but i'm fine. it is genuinely better to look alone at a fashion event than to have my friends spoken to the way people sometimes think you can speak to people in fashion world lol. i love fashion world, silly, funny planet. i requested sandy liang let's see if i get it! i want to photograph the show. 

this is not an industry where my friend could be my +1 except my grounded, well-adjusted fashion + irl friends. 

also, i am a huge fan of hedi slimane and a lot of other fashion stuff but i don't like getting incel hate comments, i'm just not strong enough so i never talk about his work or several things i love (similar to how i never post about my friends or show the nightlife things i go to so they don't get ruined). BUT i am considering doing it. i used to have a lot of young men following me when i first started and sometimes, they'd be so needlessly condescending, and it was so distracting but i liked it because i made to be clear and establish myself in what i was saying.

now, guess what i think? i think: who cares. i  always make the font white when i post these i hope i remember to. do you wanna see more photos from my week?

i got really sick on this walk home.

did you also know: i don't like talking about my personal life or doing confessional posts so i used to post in gibberish a lot because people learn things about you and use them against you instead of saying "oh, ok" and moving on. people need to have WORSE memories. that will heal the internet addicted world. it never feels worth it to open up online when people are looooooking to hurt youuuuu instead of saying "oh, ok". say "oh, ok" SCROLL. ok here's the photos, lookit. 

blogging comes natural to me. "what all did y'all talk about?"

i love to look into people's stuff, i'm always taking photos into those warehouses and just zooming in on the details. i never zoom in on details anywhere elese in life, SO BIG PICTURE. 

ok, i'm gonna be honest. 

i tried dyeing my hair red 5x before it turned red, extremely painful, BUT so necessary. i had lost myself, it was so symbolic, i was trying things that weren't me 4x and the 5th time i had to do the difficult rigorous thing which was ACTUALLY research actively and look into things. say "i don't know" and listen to someone else, not myself, etc.

SOOOO HARD. so important, life changing lesson. did anyone notice i changed? not fab ://// not cool! i completely lost myself for a minute there i was not feeling that. much better, red hair, back to business. whoa. ok wait i have to post like 3 more things hold on.

also the photos are when i was walking around then i got so sick i had to go home, i walked 52 minutes home because i love walking.